Disappointed Hearts

Disappointed Hearts

 I see a lot of disappointed hearts these days. Disappointed. Discontent. Disillusioned.

 I am feeling a lot of that myself.  So, what? Exactly… so… we feel these things, what about that?

 I’ve been disappointed a few times over the years by one person in particular. I love this person. I trust this person. I rely upon this person. And, they disappoint me sometimes. And that is what I’d like to dance with today.

 So, I start where I always start. With the word. The word is disappointment. The meaning is, “sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.” Well, that’s interesting…let’s tease that apart a bit.

What are my hopes or expectations in relationship to this person (event, experience… fill in the blank)? My hope is always to be learning to love and be loved better. My expectation is  that this person wants to be a part of that journey and when they don’t show up in some way, I feel disappointed, sad, hurt. I feel unappreciated, unvalued, unimportant. And, all the apologies and explanations after the fact don’t alleviate this hurt.

 And, I know this person cares about me and my journey. They reach out from time to time. We connect deeply when we spend time together. And we can go weeks and months without connection… and I don’t doubt the love between us.

 And, when they don’t show up in some way that I am expecting or hoping, I am invited to a deeper level of love and trust – of myself more than of anyone else.

 And, I can check in with my body. Is there a trapped emotion from long ago that is asking for emancipation from its bondage? Am I willing to let go of old stories and trapped emotions? Am I willing to allow new emotions, new experiences, new sensations to flow through my being unimpeded?

So, just for today, just with this one experience of disappointment, I want to feel it for what it is IN THIS MOMENT, unattached to any other experience. In and of itself, this experience is small, almost inconsequential. And, in my being, in my body, this experience is a call to go deeper, live more fully, release more completely.

 I advocate for feeling the feelings – all the way through, no shortcuts, no bypassing. And see where the experiment of feeling all the way through leads me. I won’t say, “Oh, no problem. I understand. Life happens. It’s OK.”

I will say, “ouch. That hurt. I wonder where that hurt comes from. And, can we find a way for you to not hurt me like that again? Because I trust that we both want to love and be loved better.”

Remember: You are loved. You are lovable. You ARE Love.

Little intimate lessons in transforming hearts.